Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
