apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Enjoy the penises
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
