Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
