he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
no you cant smoke seaweed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
