I think my vagina is haunted
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
