You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
