i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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