I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
