booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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