1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
