My first STD was from a foam party
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
