I want to have your abortion
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
