Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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