He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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