The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
