I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
