You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
