I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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