But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
