What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
