so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Everclear isn't food dammit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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