And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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