battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
