Im at strip club and am horny
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
