i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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