he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
