The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
