I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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