Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
