you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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