i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
