I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
