i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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