belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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