Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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