you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
