the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I sprained my soul last night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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