My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
