Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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