It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
