But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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