its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
