Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
