come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we should paint friendship bongs
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