I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
