I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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