When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
