"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
