Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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