In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
