Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Rumble strips road head = magical
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
