i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
