After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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