I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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