you have to choose: penises or morals?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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