I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
bring money and cleavage
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
