Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
