bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are we still banned from the library?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
