Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
